Rump’s Rhymer
President Spanky Rump
was greeting guests
at his White Christmas party
hey I know you
let me guess
I never forget a face
I have a very strong memory
probably stronger
than anyone in history
mmmmmm
Robert right
or Sam
ahright I give up
you’re a hard one
tell me
my name is Lee sir
I worked at your club
through college
yeah yeah yeah
that’s what I was going to say
Lee
PR guy right
no sir
I was one of the guys
in the bushes
on the golf course
that made sure your balls
ended up in the fairway
shhh whoa whoa
my balls
were always in the fairway
of course sir
every time
even when you hit
into water or tall grass
or behind a tree
or out of bounds
hey I like you
no bullshit
a real problem solver
loyal too
you’re a good one
and you signed an NDA
yes sir
I tell everyone
President Rump golfs
like nobody else
very nice
you are a genius
I can tell
only the best at Rump parties
geniuses everywhere
very loyal to Rump
I’ll remember you
always a place for loyalty
in Spanky Rump’s gang
I can always use more lawyers
are you an Ivy League
no sir
I’m a poet
a poet huh
wizard of words
we’ll get along fine
I have the best words
a lot of ‘em
stored in my good brain
roses are red
hey how about
you be Rump’s poet laureate
uhhhhh
writing Rump poems
that sounds interesting
uhhhhh
ooh there’s the first lady
Princess come
meet an old friend
hi daddy
who’s this
he used to work for me
incredible guy
very high quality individual
really terrific poet
one of the very best ever
is what I hear
from the beginning of words
better than Shakespeare and Seuss
right up there with Shel Silverstern
many people say that
I guess we’ll find out
he wants to be Rump’s poet
make Rump look good
this guy’s no fake
that I can tell you
Lee meet the first lady
nice to meet you Princess
I’m pleasured to meet you Lee
what project did you do with daddy
Rump jumped in
can’t talk about that baby
highly deeply security work
incognito
undercover
covert operations
top secret
works the shadows
as we like to say
Lee might not even be his real name
we like to keep him abomynous
er adonymous no omonymous
shit
oh daddy
you mean anomynous
yeah that’s it baby
anomynous
omviously the first lady
is both smart and sexy
if she wasn’t my daugh
ah never mind
anomynous anomynous
I like it
we’ll call you Anomynous Lee
run along now honey and mingle
Anomynous Lee and I
have some business
well goodbye
Mr Anomynous Lee
write the truth now
wink wink
uhh sure thing Princess
so Mr Anomynous Lee
Rump knows talent
you wanna be a very wealthy poet
and famous too
then you can do anything
get the drift
what do you think
you wiz the words
a little abracadabra
make Rump look good
you look good
that sounds nice right
Rump’s Rhymer
the billionaire poet they’ll say
Rump’s full of the best ideas
ask me
aaask you what
you need ideas
for your first great Rump poem
ask me something
anything
well sir
I’ve always wondered
if you’re such a ladies man
why pay a porn star
ohhh right to the sweet spot
I like that
you’re tough
just like Stormy
straight to that sweet spot
no messing around
it was all very innocent really
one time or so
couple minutes
she wanted to see my pad
so she came
I bent
my whities creeped out
she said I was naughty
she spanked
I came
I paid her ten large
then she went
that’s it
like a drive by
simple as that
sir she mentioned in an interview
playing peekaboo
with a little nubby mushroom thingy
like Mario
what’s that about
it’s a lie
fake news
look at my bigly hands
nothing to do with Rump
that I can tell you
everybody knows it
Burt Lancaster or Goliath thingy
but no little Mario mushroom thingy
Burt or Goliath yes
nubby Mario thingy no
Rump gets no complaints
in that department
perfect gentleman
everybody says that
no complaints on Rump
actually sir
there were many dozens of complaints
oookaaayyy
who you gonna trust
Rump
or cheap whores looking for a payday
did you see those nasty women
all liars
never laid eyes on any of ‘em
did you see what they looked like
not Rump’s type
that I can tell you
all fake
faker than fake
nasty nasty women
Hillary hired ‘em to take Rump down
Rump will sue
Rump will win
okay
okay sir
good talk
I better go find the lady
I came in with
is she hot
cause if she’s hot
I would’ve seen her
and possibly groped her
I’m famous you know
yeah I heard that
what’s she look like
I can spot em
I always say it
Rump can spot ‘em
if they got a bottom
well sir
she just took my arm
at the door
and walked in with me
a Chinese lady
with a black briefcase
a little nervous
didn’t speak English
ah Rump loves exotics
that I will tell you
ask Jeff and Vlad
hey I might’ve seen
a tight Chinese ass
duck into that dark doorway
better find her before I do
or before she steals all our secrets
hahahahaha Rump laughed
thinking that was funny
yes sir
I’ll go spy on the spy
hahahahaha
Rump laughed again
clever guy
bigly words
I like that
you’ll do well Mr Anomynous Lee
keep in touch with Rump
write historic Rump poems
make Rump look good
got it sir
a good looking Rump
oh you are a smart one
I see what ya did there
we’ll get along fine
hey look who just walked in
couple of sweethearts
Joey Bare Ankles and the Mayor
JOEYYY RUDYYY
isn’t it Joey No Socks sir
yeah whatever
well go wiz some words
make Rump look pretty
and keep ‘em in the fairway kid
gotta go talk mob with my gang
HEY JOEY
JOEYYYYY BABYYYYY
SHOW ME SOME BARE ANKLE JOEYYYYY
and so
Anomynous Lee
slipped anonymously
into the shadows
of the crowd of geniuses
as easily as the Chinese lady
— Anomynous Lee