Empathetic Rump
President Spanky Rump
was trying to twiddle his thumbs
when an aide came in
and said
sir big trouble in Minneapolis
they’re rioting looting burning the city
is that one of those shit hole places?
no sir it’s Minnesota
are they MAGAs?
I suspect not sir
they’re against racism
oh that sounds bad
loot rhymes with shoot
so we better shoot em
sir WHAT?!
I was only joking
beatings get better ratings
SIR the police MURDERED another black man
in front of the whole world
people are mad as hell
they should be used to that by now
you’d think they’d learn
the police?
no the blacks
it’s what they had to lose
by voting for me
WHAT?
never mind
but we have historic employment numbers
for our African American compadres
as they say
blacks love Rump
yeah no
sir they’re screaming bloody murder
four white policemen
one dead nonviolent handcuffed black man
only one?
WHAT??
I didn’t see anything on Faux News
can’t be too big a thing
SIR this is REALLY SERIOUS SHIT
you need to make a statement
calm the fear and anger
they’ve got a mayor don’t they?
sir he wants the cops arrested and charged
why?
for KILLING GEORGE FLOYD
who?
the handcuffed African American COMPADRE
ohhh the victim
of the crime
like Joe Friday would say
victim
of the crime
sir you should call the mayor
sounds like the mayor’s a screwball
the guy’s a clown
put the cops in jail
then watch the city burn
what a do nothing
must be a whacko liberal
cut his funding
sir look at this video
yeah so
guy shoulda kept his mouth shut
SIR he’s saying
I CAN’T BREATHE I CAN’T BREATHE
OVER AND OVER AND OVER
ooohh I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe
I want my mommy
I can’t breathe
SIR THEY HAD A KNEE ON HIS NECK
HE WAS BEGGING FOR HIS LIFE
THEY CHOKED HIM TO DEATH
maybe he shoulda tried a bribe
money talks
cops like money
SIR HE WAS HANDCUFFED
HELD DOWN
WITH A KNEE ON HIS NECK
UNTIL HE DIED
did he vote for Rump?
SIR NO ONE SHOULD DIE THAT WAY
A PUBLIC EXECUTION
A MAJOR CITY IS BURNING
OTHERS MIGHT TOO
PEOPLE ARE ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED
AND IN PAIN
IT’S NOT GOOD FOR ANYBODY
they got ten million lakes up there
dump a lake on the place
drown out the cry babies
sir a statement from the president
might ease tensions
any of the cops hurt?
sir?
maybe we give them a medal
WHA?!
bring em to the White House
we’ll get Big Macs
and donuts
take pictures
SIR THEY KILLED
A BLACK MAN
ON THE STREET
IN PUBLIC VIEW
IN COLD BLOOD
he was going down
one way or the other
SIR WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!
by cops or by virus
pick your poison
SIR
A NON VIOLENT BLACK MAN
WAS FORCED TO THE GROUND
AND MURDERED
BY FOUR WHITE POLICEMEN
IN BROAD DAYLIGHT
you make it sound horrible
very traumatic for those officers
that’s a tough thing
to have to kill a man
maybe we get ‘em some help
SIR HAVE YOU NO EMPATHY?!
wait
was the guy wearing a mask?
WHO?
the bad guy
probably taunting the officers in a mask
what does a MASK
have to do with ANYTHING?
masks are bad juju
I always say it
wearing a mask
will get you killed
SHIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
had a late night
watching reruns of Apprentice
and doing hydroxy clorox jello shots
I like the yellow ones
they taste like sunshine
and look like little jiggly boobs
too little to be a ten though
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!!!
okay have the press office
put something out
try this
sending vicious dogs
and ominous weapons
so better be good
something like that
my brain is fuzzy
from all this caring
okay then
we’ll get some kind of statement out
WITHOUT YOU
and don’t mention the dead guy
WHA?
just send thoughts and prayers
and FIRE that shit hole mayor
ahh sir
YOU’RE the one they blame
for condoning violence
don’t blame me
it’s the masks
WHAT?
they’re weirding everybody out
SIR people are TRYING to be SAFE
what’s a mask have to do with
George Floyd’s murder?
if the KKK can’t wear masks
blacks shouldn’t either
change the constitution
WHAT THE FUCK PLANET ARE YOU ON?!
no more masks
I don’t even want to send them to hospitals
they’re all mine
and my wicked son-in-law’s
sir they HELP to STOP the VIRUS SPREAD
and keep frontline workers ALIVE
the virus will go away
when the sun dries it up
and the rain washes it
down the sewer
with Pelosi and the Dems
ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?
THE POLICE KILLED A MAN
AND PEOPLE WANT JUSTICE
OUR COUNTRY IS READY YO EXPLODE
how bout we say
sorry for your loss
and send flowers
A MAJOR US CITY IS BURNING SIR
THE WHOLE COUNTRY IS PISSED OFF
PEOPLE ARE DYING
AND WANT ANSWERS
AND CHANGE
NOW
and it’s NOT BECAUSE OF
people wearing MASKS
whoa that’s a lot of information
so maybe
we twist it all in knots
put it on a nice plate
serve it with a silver spoon
and make em choke it down
get that blonde to do it
who can twist a pretzel
just by looking at it
she’ll do anything for Rump
then send hats
lots of hats
VOTE RUMP
what have they got to lose
EVERYFUCKINGTHING
WE ALL DO
maybe roll up some MAGA t’s
red ones white ones blue ones
smile and toss em at the crowd
they loved it in Puerto Rico
yeah sir that was paper towels
and nobody loved it in Puerto Rico
and I’m not going to do that
and make sure our great police heroes
are very well taken care of
sir this is REALLY SERIOUS SHIT
YOU’VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING
how bout a rally in Minnesota
that’ll make my fans happy
not in the burned out area though
that’s A VERY BAD IDEA right now sir
and no one cares about your groupies
but you
at a nice country club maybe
sparkling lake in the background
a lot of really white people
some token brown, yellow and red
like sprinkles on white cupcakes
everybody loves sprinkles
and hire those Blacks for Rump guys again
they’re a riot
sir that’s RIDICULOUS
and NOT gonna HAPPEN
cotton candy and a ferris wheel
and they’ll forget all about the
GEORGE FLOYD deal
don’t think so sir
THE COPS MURDERED HIM
the latest in a long history
and lets do another executive order
ban masks from earth
is that a treaty we can break?
I AM DONE
are you a mask wearing sissy boy too?
YOU ARE A BIG ORANGE BUFOON
I know you are
but what am I?
we’ve got HUGE problems in this country
people DYING by police and virus
and YOU START A CIVIL WAR
OVER MASKS?
which actually
keep people safer
if you wore a mask
you’d look
smarter and more caring
than you really are
whatever
and get those two FUCKOPOTAMUSES in here
NOW
your sons are in Siberia sir
hunting goats tied to trees
no not those FUCKOPOTAMUSES
the other two
AG and State
we’ve got to sue and bomb
our way out of this shit
keep ‘em busy
sue and bomb
bomb and sue
make heads spin
YOU ARE FUCKING INSANE
I FUCKING QUIT
I saw Kim K
has a new line of masks
like ladies underwear
for your face
I might try one of those
at night
alone
not made for eating Cheetos though
maybe they’re scented
KK smells like sex
I might wear one
just for a sniff
not in public though
can’t let the lame stream losers see me
they probably started
all the fires in Indianapolis anyway
to take me down
Obama and Crooked H
probably made that I can’t breathe video
jealous of Rump
always lying about Rump
he’s dishonest and stupid they say
obese and ugly they say
all lies to make Rump look bad
very jealous people
really shameful
they’re rigging the 2020 election you know
and now this GEORGE FLOYD hoax
maybe they aren’t real people at all
maybe they were never even born
people are saying that
who knows
it’s worth looking into
they only want to take Rump down
I say lock em all up
and their families
and everybody they know
in different places
anybody who doesn’t vote Rump
MAGA OR DIE!
GET ME COKE
it’s MINNEAPOLIS sir MINNESOTA
and YOU ARE A DESPICABLE HUMAN BEING
I’M GETTIN’ OFF THIS FUCKING CIRCUS RIDE
get me Coke first okay?
NO
is your mother alive?
WHAT? YES!
your father?
NO HE DIED WHEN I WAS TWELVE!
I heard you killed him
WHAT!!!
some people say that
high quality people
not me
I wouldn’t say that
but it does sound fishy
people wonder
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!
just saying
I hear it’s being looked at very closely
maybe it was an accident
but who knows
it’s curious very curious
they investigate
maybe they don’t find anything
but who knows
WHAT?!!! I KNOW
YOU SOULLESS MORAN!
MY FATHER DIED IN THE WAR!
HE WAS A WAR HERO!
is that what they told you?
maybe he was
maybe not
sounds a little fishy is all
no use getting upset
but people have questions
YOU FAKE BONE SPURS PIECE OF SHIT
whoa
kinda sensitive aren’t you
you’re fired
I ALREADY QUIT!!!
yeah yeah
I heard that before
OUT
and take that MASK with you
COKE
SOMEBODY
NOW
PRESIDENT SPANKY RUMP
WANTS COKE
HEY JEVANKA
WILLY WONKA
SOMEBODY
GET ME COKE
— Anomynous Lee
Spanky’s Mirror
gold plated mirror
on the wall
I’m suing you
you ruined it all
you told me once
that I was great
being so damn handsome
sealed my fate
the minions all
would call me king
rich and famous
do anything
you called me winner
when I’d lose
you said the world
was mine to use
now when I look
into your eyes
you don’t believe
my lies lies lies
you act like
I’m no longer there
you’re scaring me
look at my hair
where did all
my people run
they now ignore
the golden one
my real good brain
and bigly talk
my sharpie pen
now writes like chalk
oh mirror of mine
what will I do
if I don’t win
I know I’m through
but you will never see a tear
and I will never show my fear
I’ll plunder everything I can
I’m still an evil genius man
I’ll make democracy my foil
Obama’s legacy will boil
you laugh at me
like I’m a clown
I’ll take the constitution down
and when I sit alone at night
in four cold walls
I know I’m right
gold plated mirror
you failed the king
you turned on me
you had to sing
the truth in you
I so despise
I look at you
with blinded eyes
but in the end
I still can’t see
the reason why
no one likes me
— Anomynous Lee
