Guns And Poses
two Rumps
poked out from under a rock
okay Deric said Spanky Rump Jr
I’m in charge
that’s not my name shitwad
I’m Rambo now
suck it Rambo
you call me Mojo
Major Mojo
that’s stupid
but who cares
okay listen up Rambro
the old man wants us to act tough and cool
gotta keep the gravy train rolling
I’m gonna act smart and funny too Rambo said
give it up dork
everybody’s already laughing
at how smart you are
get ready to rumble
dammit call me Rambo
and I get the moose this time
mooses live in Texas moron
we’re in some other shit hole country
you want the elephant or the lion
OOH OOH OOH THE LION Rambo said
nope you get the elephant Major Mojo smirked
you’re a MAJOR DICK Junior
yeah so shut up and listen Dumbo
it’s RAMBO you asshole
yeah yeah
okay RAMBO we’re going to crawl
out from under this rock
and over to that bush
which bush Rambo asked
THERE’S ONLY ONE FUCKING BUSH DILDO
just don’t want to fuck it up MAJOR MOJO DICK
better attitude Mojo said
we are warrior brothers
expert white trophy hunters
taking down bigly wild beasts
and because we are so awesome
our trophies will be waiting
right on the other side
of that one and only bush
that bush Rambo asked
look RamDumbo
THERE’S ONLY ONE FUCKING BUSH
cmon man
it’s a dangerous mission
life and death
LET’S GO Mojo commanded
anxious to post photos
of himself with weapons of war
posing on something big and dead
so two Rumps slithered out
from under the rock
and over to the bush
Major Mojo scoped the wilderness
with Dora the Explorer binoculars
spying the incredible wild beasts
twenty yards ahead
chained to a giant baobab tree
sleeping side by side
the yuge old lion and elephant
were like a thousand years old
President Spanky T Rump bought them
from a bare chested Russian circus owner
and had them shipped to Africa
for his punk kids to murder
so they can look like real men
score whispered Mojo
Rambo grabbed at the binoculars
I wanna see I wanna see he said
like a three year old
wait your turn bro
I’m the oldest
and the best
you’re the other one
I’m always first
okay here said Mojo
smacking Rambo in the head with the Dora’s
OWW you are a MAJOR DICK Mojo
that’s right bro
shut up and look
but when Rambo
laid eyes on the mammoth creatures
he almost shit
SHIT he squealed
SHIT SHOOT MOJO SHOOT
easy Rambo
I wanna wait till he makes a move
then I’ll massacre him said Mojo
the old lion heard the little girl squealing
sleepily opened it’s eyes
raised it’s huge hairy head
and opened it’s mouth
to pant
Rambo dropped the binocs
SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT
SHOOT IT MOJO
IT’S GOING TO CHARGE
SHOOT he screamed
STAND YOUR GROUND RAMBO
ordered Major Mojo
but Rambo freaked
he wasn’t going down
by a thousand year old sleeping lion
chained to a baobab tree
he jumped outta the bush
and opened fire
ratatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatat
secret service guys in camo
scattered like bunnies
and when the smoke lifted
the lion was still looking at him
so Rambo let out a war cry
and walked straight in to finish it
ratatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatat
ratatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatat
ratatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatat
firing until the poor animal
dropped his head for good
Rambo danced with glee
thrusting his weapon to the heavens
woohooing his stupid ass off
Mojo was pissed
WHAT ARE YOU DOING MORON
THE LION WAS MINE
YOU KILLED MY FUCKIN’ LION
what the hell bro
I saved your life said Rambo
FUCK THAT SISSY SHIT
WATCH THIS BITCHES Junior yelled
running five feet and diving on the ground
rolling and shouldering his toy of destruction
ratatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatat
tatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatat
tatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatat
and killing the ancient elephant
while it slept
the smart tough funny Rump brothers
in freshly shat camo
wildly high fived all the SS guys
celebrating their delusional manhood
WE’RE HEROES Mojo yelled
PICTURES
the disgusted secret service dudes
held up a camo tarp
for the keystone cop assassins
to change into crisp new designer camo gear
from their chosen one sister’s
Contemporary Chinese Army collection
they strapped on as many firearms
as their soulless bodies could handle
paraded with big cigars
hanging out of big mouths
shoving them into
every orifice and bullet hole
of the victims they could find
for memes and giggles
posing all over and around
the tortured mounds of undignified death
Major Mojo
flooded social media
with Dumb and Dumbo on safari bullshit
the thick chains photoshopped out
when the fiesta was over
a limo picked them up at the bush
drove around the rock
to the helicopter
leapfrogged a few trees
to the jet
and the tough and cool ignoRumps
egos boosted into fantasyland
soared away in undeserved luxury
with an assortment
of butchered body parts
for souvies
leaving one shit hole country
a way way way better place
than when they were in it
—Anomynous Lee
