A Million Miles
the therapist said
can you accept that he’s gone
but he’s just across town I said
what if you never see him again
but he’s only thirty minutes away
you said yourself
it feels like a million miles
but he’s part of me
I raised him for his first five years
we were inseparable
an incredible bond
trauma can dismantle lives
steal identities
alter brains and minds
it’s like he was kidnapped
and came back as somebody else
and he didn’t have a choice
it’s a tragedy
you can’t help him
you can’t hug him
or look him in the eyes
and tell him how much you love him
it’s an enormous loss
I feel helpless
you don’t ever have to stop loving him
I never will
he deserves peace and happiness
with or without me in his life
but it’s so hard not to know him
you’re grieving the loss of a child
of hopes and dreams
for him and you and your family
an intimate human connection severed
it’s not fair
no it’s not fair
it’s as if he really died
yeah it is
except he’s alive I said
yeah the therapist said
—DL Madsen