My Disease

My Disease
my disease
is wanting to save him
even though
I know it doesn’t work that way
it is the worst feeling
to know your child is suffering
I wanted him to be safe
and know how much he was loved
and worthy of a good life
no matter what ignorant people say or do
but they didn’t want him to know me
a lifetime of obstacles
veiling dark intentions
with such destructive energy
but I kept faith
that a light would find him
and he would find his way
out of the insanity of his childhood
to the peace he deserved
I would have done anything
if there was anything more I could do
but listen
be patient
and be honest with him
more honest than I was with myself
but sometimes
the disease is so powerful
it takes your breath
you can’t feel your heart beat
you go numb
the cure is not working
the disease is destroying you
and sometimes it offers no choice
but a surrender
after you vowed you never would
before it kills you both

—DL Madsen