Spanky Rump’s Carnival Ride

Guns And Poses
two Rumps
poked out from under a rock

okay Deric said Spanky Rump Jr
I’m in charge

that’s not my name shitwad
I’m Rambo now

suck it Rambo
you call me Mojo
Major Mojo

that’s stupid
but who cares

okay listen up Rambro
the old man wants us to act tough and cool
gotta keep the gravy train rolling

I’m gonna act smart and funny too Rambo said

give it up dork
everybody’s already laughing
at how smart you are
get ready to rumble

dammit call me Rambo
and I get the moose this time

mooses live in Texas moron
we’re in some other shit hole country
you want the elephant or the lion

OOH OOH OOH THE LION Rambo said

nope you get the elephant Major Mojo smirked

you’re a MAJOR DICK Junior

yeah so shut up and listen Dumbo

it’s RAMBO you asshole

yeah yeah
okay RAMBO we’re going to crawl
out from under this rock
and over to that bush

which bush Rambo asked

THERE’S ONLY ONE FUCKING BUSH DILDO

just don’t want to fuck it up MAJOR MOJO DICK

better attitude Mojo said
we are warrior brothers
expert white trophy hunters
taking down bigly wild beasts
and because we are so awesome
our trophies will be waiting
right on the other side
of that one and only bush

that bush Rambo asked

look RamDumbo
THERE’S ONLY ONE FUCKING BUSH
cmon man
it’s a dangerous mission
life and death
LET’S GO Mojo commanded
anxious to post photos
of himself with weapons of war
posing on something big and dead

so two Rumps slithered out
from under the rock
and over to the bush

Major Mojo scoped the wilderness
with Dora the Explorer binoculars
spying the incredible wild beasts
twenty yards ahead
chained to a giant baobab tree
sleeping side by side
the yuge old lion and elephant
were like a thousand years old
President Spanky T Rump bought them
from a bare chested Russian circus owner
and had them shipped to Africa
for his punk kids to murder
so they can look like real men

score whispered Mojo

Rambo grabbed at the binoculars
I wanna see I wanna see he said
like a three year old

wait your turn bro
I’m the oldest
and the best
you’re the other one
I’m always first
okay here said Mojo
smacking Rambo in the head with the Dora’s

OWW you are a MAJOR DICK Mojo

that’s right bro
shut up and look

but when Rambo
laid eyes on the mammoth creatures
he almost shit
SHIT he squealed
SHIT SHOOT MOJO SHOOT

easy Rambo
I wanna wait till he makes a move
then I’ll massacre him said Mojo

the old lion heard the little girl squealing
sleepily opened it’s eyes
raised it’s huge hairy head
and opened it’s mouth
to pant
Rambo dropped the binocs
SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT
SHOOT IT MOJO
IT’S GOING TO CHARGE
SHOOT he screamed

STAND YOUR GROUND RAMBO
ordered Major Mojo

but Rambo freaked
he wasn’t going down
by a thousand year old sleeping lion
chained to a baobab tree
he jumped outta the bush
and opened fire
ratatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatat
secret service guys in camo
scattered like bunnies
and when the smoke lifted
the lion was still looking at him
so Rambo let out a war cry
and walked straight in to finish it
ratatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatat
ratatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatat
ratatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatat
firing until the poor animal
dropped his head for good

Rambo danced with glee
thrusting his weapon to the heavens
woohooing his stupid ass off

Mojo was pissed
WHAT ARE YOU DOING MORON
THE LION WAS MINE
YOU KILLED MY FUCKIN’ LION

what the hell bro
I saved your life said Rambo

FUCK THAT SISSY SHIT
WATCH THIS BITCHES Junior yelled
running five feet and diving on the ground
rolling and shouldering his toy of destruction
ratatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatat
tatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatat
tatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatat
and killing the ancient elephant
while it slept

the smart tough funny Rump brothers
in freshly shat camo
wildly high fived all the SS guys
celebrating their delusional manhood

WE’RE HEROES Mojo yelled
PICTURES

the disgusted secret service dudes
held up a camo tarp
for the keystone cop assassins
to change into crisp new designer camo gear
from their chosen one sister’s
Contemporary Chinese Army collection

they strapped on as many firearms
as their soulless bodies could handle
paraded with big cigars
hanging out of big mouths
shoving them into
every orifice and bullet hole
of the victims they could find
for memes and giggles
posing all over and around
the tortured mounds of undignified death

Major Mojo
flooded social media
with Dumb and Dumbo on safari bullshit
the thick chains photoshopped out

when the fiesta was over
a limo picked them up at the bush
drove around the rock
to the helicopter
leapfrogged a few trees
to the jet
and the tough and cool ignoRumps
egos boosted into fantasyland
soared away in undeserved luxury
with an assortment
of butchered body parts
for souvies
leaving one shit hole country
a way way way better place
than when they were in it

—Anomynous Lee

Triumvirate Of Losers
not long after President Joseph R. Biden
was sworn into office
a blacked out limo
pulled up in front of the lottery office
and former president Spanky T Rump
and his clown posse
fell out of the car
and shuffled inside

Spanky walked up to the receptionist
and said with a wink and a nod
well you’re about as pretty as a succulent aren’t you
I’m here for the money

oh are we a winner the receptionist asked
ignoring the stupid succulent thing
glad he couldn’t reach her

don’t know about you honey
but I’m a big winner Rump said
I won by A LOT

well congratulations sir
so what game did you win

I win ‘em all lady
I always win
I’m a winner
I won
I’m here for my prize

okay sir
if I can see your ticket
we’ll verify the win

I won
I don’t need a ticket
I’m here first
just like the election
I was ahead by A LOT
at one point
so I won

well sir
that’s not the way it works
you need to prove you won

I did won
everybody knows it
fair and square
no one else can win
because I won
I don’t need proof

well sir I’m sorry
but we don’t just hand out money
to anybody
without a winning ticket she said

I’m not just anybody
I won
I’m the wonner
it’s all mine
you’re trying to cheat me
this is rigged
but I won
and you didn’t

Rudy Tootie chimed in
I think you mean winner Spanky

no I won Rudy
that makes me a wonner
if you run you’re a runner
if you spin you’re a spinner
if you win you’re a winner
I won so I’m a wonner

jeesh Rudy said
whatever boss

to be honest sir the receptionist said
you didn’t win the election
or the lottery
unless you can prove it

oh great
you’re working for Pelosi too
look lady
the half billion dollars is mine
I won
there’s nothing you can do
because I’m the wonner
I can’t stand to lose
so I win
which makes me the winner
so I want what’s mine
or I’ll sue you until the Arctic freezes again
explain it to her Tootie

that’s right honey Rudy smiled
we got lots a evidence
and we’ll sue you long time
unless you play ball

well he didn’t win the lottery
and he didn’t win the election
you don’t win anything
unless you can prove it she said

but it’s all mine Rump said
I won by A LOT
I WON I WON I WON
I want the prize

do you have the winning ticket sir

I don’t need a ticket
I’m the President

I’m afraid you do sir
and you are no longer the president
you’re just gross old Spanky Rump again

you can’t talk to the president like that Rump said
Rump talks to you like that
you don’t talk to Rump like that

okay that’s enough the lady said
playtime is over kids
you didn’t win
you have no proof
you’re not a winner
or a wonner
in fact you’re a loser
the bigliest loser
even if you did win
you’re a loser
but you didn’t
so you and crazy Rudy Tootie
and blowing in the wind Windsey
are welcome to LEAVE
before I call the cops and CNN

I own the cops
and CNN is fake news Rump said

one last time the lady said
do you have the winning ticket sir

I won
we’ll get you a ticket next time okay

no you didn’t win anything Spanky
you lost everything for everybody
how about you and your feeble posse of fools
crawl back into the hearse
and fade into the sunset
maybe hop a Space Farce flight
to Uranus perhaps
and play Lord of the Flies
see who wins

you can’t talk to him like that
he’s our president Rudy said

I just did she said
and he’s NOT PRESIDENT ANYMORE THANK GOD

he’s not Rudy asked
you said you won Spanky

he says a lot of shit the the lady blurted

I did win Rudy Rump said
sue that rabid dog
for treason and insubordination

but Spanky
if you didn’t win
it makes us all look insane Rudy said

Rudy Rudy Rudy
you know I won
we won
you won
and they’re trying to steal it from us Rudy
I won for all the little people
the ignored
the racists and white nationalists like us
who live in the shadows
afraid of all the kind people
in Volvos and Subarus and Suburbans
who think trees breathe
art evokes feelings
races are about color
and children benefit
by learning a foreign language
it’s got to stop Rudy
we have to stand up
and say Rump won
Rump is the WONNER
Rump alone can WON
Rump knows more than hackers
and doctors and generals
and supreme court justices
and voters and lottery officials
because Rump is the bigliest at winning
tell em Windsey

well you’re a kook for sure mister president
but I’m with you because you said you won
and I was hoping you might toss
an old dog a bone

so sorry to break it to you boys
but he’s NOT PRESIDENT anymore
he’s a LOSER the receptionist said happily

well we’ll see about that Windsey said
if Spanky Rump says he won
that’s good enough for me
until a more prevailing wind comes along
then I’ll drift over that way

ya see lady
I surround myself with winners
everybody says it
people of character
because I’m a winner Rump said
so I want my winnings

well let’s get real here the lady said
your main man Rudy Toot Toot
is sweating black shit all over
and grunting at the office girls
while wiggling his hand around in his trowsers
and Windsey keeps licking his pointer
and holding it up
to see which way the wind blows
inside a frickin’ building
a posse of geniuses for sure
how’s that working out
I think we’re done now boys

I WON I WON I WON
YOU are trying to CHEAT ME
saying I need a TICKET
which VIOLATES my CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS
AND MY BIBLE RIGHTS and MY MAN RIGHTS
I WON fair and square
and NOBODY knows it better than YOU
this is a CON a HOAX a WITCH HUNT
to hurt Rump

you are DEFINITELY a hurt rump
and clearly you’re LOSING IT right now
because YOU’RE A LOSER the lady said
maybe you need to learn
how to LOSE better LOSER
so if none of you have a winning ticket
you’re all losers

ma’am Windsey said
Spanky Rump has sacrificed A LOT
for our great country
he lost friends
he lost money
he lost integrity
he lost sanity
although it is truly a question
how much of any of that
he had to start with
but the man blew up the presidency
and democracy
biglier than Hiroshima on the Fourth of July
and I believe that makes him a winner

mmm no the lady said

we could send national guard to her home
with ominous weapons Rudy said
or shoot her dog

now boys Windsey said
I think we just take a step back
and realize that this fine lady
is just doing her job
what say we regroup
make some more stuff up
come back in here
and take what’s rightfully ours

wait a minute Windsey Rump said
you said OURS
I’M the winner
you’re just a guy with the winner

of course you are Spanky
but I support you Windsey said
I just want to be on the winning team is all

I’m with Windsey on that Rudy said
we need to regroup
I know some lawyer criminals
they’re good guys
we bomb the world with trumped up lawsuits
and keep scamming millions from your minions
who actually believe you won the election
because you told ‘em so
we bleed the gullable then run
just like always

but I DID WIN Rudy
I’m a winner
I’m THE winner
the ONLY winner
don’t call me a loser
because I’m not a loser
I’m a king
and everything is mine

you’ll always be my king Spanky
how bout we slide back in the limo
and maybe stop by KFC for a bucket
on the way to MaryLago said Windsey
try a few more lottery offices too
a real road trip for real winners

KFC sounds good Rudy said
I like to rub my greazy fingers
all over my head
to keep it shiny

well I just had a two big mac snack
about an hour ago Rump said
but I could go for a big bucket of breasts

that’s funny Rudy said
see you’re a fun guy
that makes you a winner

that’s right Windsey said
you’re a real fun guy
with a bunch of money
fun guys aren’t losers
let’s go gentlemen

ahright Rump said
but I won
she knows I won

do you have the winning ticket
the receptionist had a huge grin

she’s just playing hard to get
we’ll be back Rump said
I won and I’m a wonner
and she knows it
probably better than anyone

you mean winner don’t you Spank Windsey said

no I’m pretty sure he meant WONNER the lady laughed
and thanks for stopping in fellas
it’s been a treat
most of the people we meet
actually ARE winners
so it’s refreshing to know
there are still losers out there
keeping things balanced

I’m balanced
and I’m a winner Rump said
and I WON I tell ya
I WON I WON I WON

you are a winner
until you are not Windsey said
or until you stop taking me golfing
but I’m tired of winning for now
so let’s go celebrate with chicken n mashies

okay but first I have to say this to the lady
I’m the PRESIDENT
and the WINNER

nope you’re the LOSER she said

WINNER Rump shouted

the BIGLIEST LOSER she laughed

WINNERRRRR he yelled

you LOST LOSER she cackled

I WON I WON I WON he screamed

LOSER LOSER LOSER she howled
poking a finger at each loser

you’ll be hearing from us Rudy Toot said
we have millions of after davids
incredible witnesses
proof positive

yeah I saw one of your uncredible witnesses
on your tv hearing sitcom fiasco
she was hilarious
good luck with that
last chance kiddos
anybody got the winning ticket or not

not at this moment
but but but Rudy stammered

BYE BYE LOSERS the lady sang
as she locked the door behind them

— Anomynous Lee