Spanky Rump’s Carnival Ride

Spanky Rump's Carnival Ride
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Getting Religion
saw a headline today
declaring
guns are a religion now
so this is where we’re at
in the age of trump
guns and religion
in the same breath
it’s unsettling
difficult to read
more difficult to say
and come to terms with
all in the guise of
faith and family values
in a country
founded on freedom
from religious persecution
to think guns and christianity
are the only religions
we now protect
in the age of trump

but the NRA smiles
gun makers and sellers smile
our supposed leader smirks
and looks away
while Americans are scared
from the selling and buying of fear
by men without religion
and where are we going
how is worshiping guns
the answer to anything
I fear time rolling backwards
a black hole of civility
a darker age
the age of trump

— Anomynous Lee

Spanky Rump's Carnival Ride
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No Thoughts Of His Own #SAD
the president met with
the survivors and families
of the Florida school massacre
in the oval office
it was a bigly effort on his part
taking time away from
watching Faux news
in his underwear
but it was a serious issue
for those whose lives
have been turned upside down
by another assault rifle
and for our country
seventeen teachers and students
died for nothing
leaving a nation
to mourn yet again

but for our president
it’s merely a photo op
with no emotional connection
to other people’s lives
no empathy or compassion
he alone is important
and of course money

he made the point
when in his teeny hands
he held a cheat card
so he would know what to say
because he had no thoughts of his own

the families lost cherished ones
he lost no one
the families spoke from their hearts
he spoke from notes
they asked him to listen
he read I Hear You from a card

how pathetic a person
how amazing the ignorance
how unbelievable the arrogance
how void the conscience
the heart cold
the soul black and empty

we will survive the man
who can’t breathe
without cheating
but wouldn’t it be nice
if we could slip him a cheat card
to read back to all of us
FOR THE GOOD OF MANKIND…I QUIT

— Anomynous Lee

A house built on greed cannot long endure

Edward Abbey
Spanky Rump's Carnival Ride
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The Spanksta
the virus is killing
everything in it’s path
the economy is tankin’
and Putin just laughs
Spanky’s in the oval
tighty whities in a bunch
skid marks from the undertow
more KFC for lunch
first lady’s in the garden
hanging diamonds on the line
little Mikey’s in the bushes
with a twinkle in his eye
the rest of Spanky’s gang
is busy lying on Faux News
he told me what to say they say
but that ain’t no excuse
his spiritual adviser
is busy counting all the cash
that her flockers just keep sending
while she’s lying out her ass
the virus will not kill you
fifty bucks will keep you safe
fifty more to keep you healthy
until you meet your fate
Spanky doesn’t respect women
same as rich white haired old men
but I’ll do anything he asks
that’s why he let me in
America is great again
like eighty years ago
America is white again
for Jesus told me so

(chorus)
oh he’s the Spanksta
ooh ooh
he’s a wannabe gangsta
ooh ooh
he’s gonna build a wall
a million feet tall
cause he’s the Spanksta
ooh ooh
he’ll try to screw ya
ooh ooh
say he never knew ya
ooh ooh
with a pickle for a brain
bullshit falling like rain
he is the Spanksta
yeah

he knows more than the doctors
to the generals surprise
he’s such a stable genius
with angry soulless eyes
he says I alone can fix it
I’m really really smart
more people came to see me
than can fit in one Walmart
he’s spewing diarrhea
from the hole beneath his nose
his posse all just shrugging
saying that’s the way it goes
Spanky Spanky he’s our guy
we’re gonna own it all
Windsey calls a meeting
and starts grabbing all the balls
then runs up to the microphone
before he pees his pants
and gushes over Spanky
in another flip flop rant
he is the chosen one he says
big smile on his ass
I’d go with Spanky anywhere
as long as Spanky lasts
the tortoise poked his head out
and took a look around
I’ve never seen such character
I’m riding with him down

(chorus)
he is the Spanksta
ooh ooh
he’s a wannabe gangsta
ooh ooh
hear the women scream
like a very bad dream
he is the Spanksta
ooh ooh
he is a con man
ooh ooh
he’s never wrong man
ooh ooh
you listen to him talk
but he never walks the walk
he’s Spanky the Spanksta
yeah

the truth seems to escape him
like the ripest of his farts
he smiles for a camera
right before the shit show starts
the breaking news is breaking
it must be Obama’s fault
or maybe Frederick Douglass
his post truth world of alt
the bullshit is a flying
the sky is falling down
faux news is in the henhouse
with the chubby orange faced clown
they’re plotting the big getaway
like DB Cooper got
Hennity sprays spittle
when the two of them get caught
crooked H must have done it
Pelosi is a witch
the supreme court will fix it
cause they’s Spanky’s little bitch
Kava-no’s still crying
like the teenager he is
I like beer he says so desperately
and Windsey throws a kiss
then shouts that boy did nothing
that girl must be to blame
he’s as innocent as Spanky
it was just a harmless game
but little Mikey he was scowling
cause his woman told him to
then they both just burst out laughing
oh well Spanky did it too
when you’re famous you can do it
anything you want to do
then Spanky reached below the belt
grabbing Lindsey’s wee kazoo
but Windsey just kept talking
I sure ain’t no John McCain
I was riding on his coat tails
made people think I’m sane
but Spank I really like him
he’s got a real firm grasp
of tearing down the government
and handling my ass
without Spanky’s leadership
the ship would be adrift
never mind the hundred million
he slipped me for a gift
Bombpeo is just smiling
shitty grin from ear to ear
no comment to you dumbass
the truth I can not hear
the questions that they ask me
the screaming in the dark
I’ve got no moral compass
I’m just here on a lark
then Bah the owlish fixer
wades into the muck
shit up to his shoulders
in a shiny red cross truck
I got no morals either
he finally admits
squatting on the constitution
he drops his drawers and shits
they’re never going to stop me
I’m on a mission for the king
who murdered our democracy
now let’s let freedom ring
we’ll pardon anybody
who could ever take us down
no murder on fifth avenue
when you’re nothing but a clown

(chorus)
oh he’s the Spanksta
ooh ooh
he’s a wannabe gangsta
ooh ooh
you can’t pin him down
he’s a teflon clown
cause he’s the Spanksta
ooh ooh
well he’s a blamer
ooh ooh
don’t get much lamer
ooh ooh
show him what he said
and he’ll tell you to drop dead
he’s Spanky the Spanksta
yeah

the hospitals are filling up
from what the Chinese did
Spank’s responsibility
make sure everything is hid
then have another rally
after cheating eighteen holes
telling all his psychophants
that he’s the only one who knows
it’s gonna go away he says
it’s gonna be just fine
impeachment was a hoax you know
all Dems can do is whine
as people keep on dying
doctors and nurses too
Spanky says don’t worry
it’s nothing but the flu
but the numbers start to rocket
hope they’re Democrats he says
they’re good at doing nothing
too smart to know what’s best
the press is asking questions
but all they hear is lies
because there are no good answers
for watching people die
enemy of my people
they’re searching for the truth
let’s lock them up with Hillary
Bah see what you can do
the country’s like a war zone
walking zombies on the loose
go out and have some fun he says
eat and drink and schmooze
the Governors are crying
please you got to get us help
Spanky just keeps smiling
like beating dogs to hear them yelp
I am the great commander
I’m an even better thief
that snake up in Washington
will get nothing more than grief
the little woman up in Michigan
ain’t no old white haired man
she won’t bow down to please me
ignore her Mikey if you can
Cuomo’s always squawking
and he’s getting all my press
he’s nothing but a loser
who I could not care for less
New York is in the dumpster
and I like to watch him sweat
he shoulda been real nice to me
but he ain’t been nice yet
if New Yorkers die it’s his fault
they don’t like me anyway
I’m tired of these real leaders
and I don’t like what they say

(chorus)
oh he’s the Spanksta
ooh ooh
he’s a wannabe gangsta
ooh ooh
keep your distance please
cause Spanky is a sleaze
he is the Spanksta
ooh ooh
he’s a bigly disrupter
ooh ooh
the best corruptor
ooh ooh
ya when Spanky is in town
it is the upside down
cause he’s the Spanksta
yeah

America is burning
swamp creatures on parade
they gather in the oval
for celebrity charade
no worries lets just have some fun
cause everything is mine
c’mon we’ll burn the whole place down
and it’ll be just fine
so Munchkin took the order
lit a sheet of 1 K bills
the flames they started rising
Spanky’s gang had found their thrill
but Spanky couldn’t stand it
to watch money burn away
so he jerked down on his whities
watch this they heard him say
then he took his tiny paws
and grabbed the baby hose
to all the oohs and aahs
it was smaller than his nose
the first lady ran off screaming
she’d seen that thing before
I’m starting social distancing
and I’m going to lock my door
Spanky started spraying
but he had no real control
Bombpeo said no comment
as he left to start a war
Spank Jr. took a picture
said I’m making it a meme
the other one stood dumfounded
does this party have a theme
Jevanka started crying
watching dreams go up in smoke
Munchkin stood there smirking
because Spanky’s such a joke
little Mikey groveled on the floor
stuffing pockets with wet cash
looks like Rubio was right he smiled
then stuffed some up his ash
Wetsy stood mouth open
she knew this looked real bad
for any stable genius
and Electoral College grad
Bah was feeling cocky
and there ain’t no crime in that
he said none of us are guilty
but some of us are phat
we better hide the evidence
no harm if you can’t see
if only there were dancing girls
like Moscow in thirteen
ya that was something special
said Spanky with a grin
I wish Putin could be here now
I think that I would win
but Spanky’s little firehose
eventually ran dry
so he curled into a fetal
and slowly began to cry
all his gang had left him
sad and lonely on the floor
the emperor was naked
they couldn’t stand it anymore
they knew it was all over
there was no more time to beg
after Spanky and his gang of thieves
pissed our country down his leg

(chorus)
he’s Spanky the Spanksta
ooh ooh
he’s a wannabe gangsta
ooh ooh
the Storm is going to come
his flockers will be bummed
cause he’s the Spanksta
ooh ooh
ya he’s the Spanksta
ooh ooh
the wannabe gangsta
ooh ooh
he pulls his whities down
and all the women frown
cause he’s the Spanksta
yeah

(low voice fade out)
c’mon and spank me baby
I am the bigliest
everybody says so
you know it’s true
and I’m smart too baby
real smart
I’m a stable genie
but I don’t like to brag
I’ll say it again for you baby
a stable genis
rhymes with
well you know
how bout you spank me now baby
and I’ll teach you some
biglier words
bigger than biglier
biglioso
bignormus
gibiglicious
it’s French baby
like covfefe
ooh covfefe
I love that word
I invented it you know
France wants to give me the Noble Prize
many people say it
high quality people
who speak French
ooh say it when you spank me baby
covfefe
everybody dies
sooner or later
but not me baby
I’m a live forever
ooh yeah spank me
harder
I like it stormy
I am the Spanksta
Spanky the Spanksta
the wannabe gangsta
well here I come
watch all the babes run
I am the Spanksta
spank
spank
spank
spank
spank
he’s
Spanky
the
Spanksta
spank
spank
spank
spank
spank
he’s
Spanky
the
Spanksta
s
p
a
n
k
m
e
b
a
b
y
.

— Anomynous Lee

Spanky Rump's Carnival Ride
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No Kidding Spanky
bad idea sir
a very bad idea
the genius aide said
to President Spanky Rump

don’t be so negative
it’s just an innocent photo op
with little kids
we find a smiling one
click
in and out Rump said

sir YOU are RESPONSIBLE
for those kids LOSING THEIR PARENTS

I didn’t tell ‘em to come here
their parents tie ‘em
on the backs of little burros
yuge caravans
of mules and donkeys
all kinds of criminal asses
with coyotes prowling around
it’s a dangerous thing
the parents don’t want ‘em
they don’t even wave goodbye
just point the mule our way
and slap it’s ass
they send ‘em
we save ‘em

no sir you SEPARATE them
from their PARENTS
not from little BURROS
now they CAN’T EVEN FIND THE PARENTS

well there’s always a few stragglers
that’s Obama’s fault

more than FIVE HUNDRED STRAGGLERS
with no parents to be found
sir YOU ARE responsible sir

so are the little kids pissed
we treat them very well I hear
they should thank Rump

sir the KIDS ARE IN CAGES

didn’t hurt my kids Rump said
they were like wild animals
I got solid gold cages
except for the female
she bounced on Daddy’s lap

OOOH THAT is DISGUSTING

WELL THE TWO BOYS WERE PUNKS Rump said

geez
you know sir
photos with kids in cages
right now before the election
it’s a seriously BAD look for you

what have we got to lose

the kids will be crying
and you’ll freak out
and do something stupid
it’s a BAD BAD BAD idea the aide said

I’ll throw some candy at ‘em
through the bars
it’ll be a free for all
they’ll love it

NO NO No no no no no
no sir we can’t do that

then let’s give ‘em RUMP gear
red hats and masks
and black ones too
they can divide up
and play Mexican gangster
get ‘em ready for the real world

sir they’re in the real world already
YOU’RE NOT
…just a minute sir
OH SIR
just got a call
from the child prison
they’re locking it down
big virus outbreak
we can’t go now
sorry sir the aide said

WHAT

no visitors sir
not even the president

what are they trying to do to Rump
the little shit heads ruined everything
they’re gonna make me look bad
DON’T TEST NO TESTING

but safety first sir

I’m safe
I’m IMMUNE
I’m SUPERMAN
where’s my costume
I wanted to wear it for the kids

yeah that’d be a real treat sir
except you don’t FIT into the costume
and we’re not going to see any kids

ah CRAP
just another reason to hate kids
you can’t trust ‘em
THE CAPE then
bring THE CAPE
and a gallon of milk
and a sasquach pack of double oreos

of course President Spanky
and then
after a little snacky
maybe you can relax
wrap yourself up
in your Superman cape blankie
and take a little nappy poo
hhhmmmmmmm
like a big boy

will you warm up my milk

why not
you’re the president

and tuck me in

ughhh

— Anomynous Lee

Spanky Rump's Carnival Ride
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Empathetic Rump
President Spanky Rump
was trying to twiddle his thumbs
when an aide came in
and said

sir big trouble in Minneapolis
they’re rioting looting burning the city

is that one of those shit hole places?

no sir it’s Minnesota

are they MAGAs?

I suspect not sir
they’re against racism

oh that sounds bad
loot rhymes with shoot
so we better shoot em

sir WHAT?!

I was only joking
beatings get better ratings

SIR the police MURDERED another black man
in front of the whole world
people are mad as hell

they should be used to that by now
you’d think they’d learn

the police?

no the blacks
it’s what they had to lose
by voting for me

WHAT?

never mind
but we have historic employment numbers
for our African American compadres
as they say
blacks love Rump

yeah no
sir they’re screaming bloody murder
four white policemen
one dead nonviolent handcuffed black man

only one?

WHAT??

I didn’t see anything on Faux News
can’t be too big a thing

SIR this is REALLY SERIOUS SHIT
you need to make a statement
calm the fear and anger

they’ve got a mayor don’t they?

sir he wants the cops arrested and charged

why?

for KILLING GEORGE FLOYD

who?

the handcuffed African American COMPADRE

ohhh the victim
of the crime
like Joe Friday would say
victim
of the crime

sir you should call the mayor

sounds like the mayor’s a screwball
the guy’s a clown
put the cops in jail
then watch the city burn
what a do nothing
must be a whacko liberal
cut his funding

sir look at this video

yeah so
guy shoulda kept his mouth shut

SIR he’s saying
I CAN’T BREATHE I CAN’T BREATHE
OVER AND OVER AND OVER

ooohh I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe
I want my mommy
I can’t breathe

SIR THEY HAD A KNEE ON HIS NECK
HE WAS BEGGING FOR HIS LIFE
THEY CHOKED HIM TO DEATH

maybe he shoulda tried a bribe
money talks
cops like money

SIR HE WAS HANDCUFFED
HELD DOWN
WITH A KNEE ON HIS NECK
UNTIL HE DIED

did he vote for Rump?

SIR NO ONE SHOULD DIE THAT WAY
A PUBLIC EXECUTION
A MAJOR CITY IS BURNING
OTHERS MIGHT TOO
PEOPLE ARE ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED
AND IN PAIN
IT’S NOT GOOD FOR ANYBODY

they got ten million lakes up there
dump a lake on the place
drown out the cry babies

sir a statement from the president
might ease tensions

any of the cops hurt?

sir?

maybe we give them a medal

WHA?!

bring em to the White House
we’ll get Big Macs
and donuts
take pictures

SIR THEY KILLED
A BLACK MAN
ON THE STREET
IN PUBLIC VIEW
IN COLD BLOOD

he was going down
one way or the other

SIR WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!

by cops or by virus
pick your poison

SIR
A NON VIOLENT BLACK MAN
WAS FORCED TO THE GROUND
AND MURDERED
BY FOUR WHITE POLICEMEN
IN BROAD DAYLIGHT

you make it sound horrible
very traumatic for those officers
that’s a tough thing
to have to kill a man
maybe we get ‘em some help

SIR HAVE YOU NO EMPATHY?!

wait
was the guy wearing a mask?

WHO?

the bad guy
probably taunting the officers in a mask

what does a MASK
have to do with ANYTHING?

masks are bad juju
I always say it
wearing a mask
will get you killed

SHIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

had a late night
watching reruns of Apprentice
and doing hydroxy clorox jello shots
I like the yellow ones
they taste like sunshine
and look like little jiggly boobs
too little to be a ten though

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!!!

okay have the press office
put something out
try this
sending vicious dogs
and ominous weapons
so better be good
something like that
my brain is fuzzy
from all this caring

okay then
we’ll get some kind of statement out
WITHOUT YOU

and don’t mention the dead guy

WHA?

just send thoughts and prayers
and FIRE that shit hole mayor

ahh sir
YOU’RE the one they blame
for condoning violence

don’t blame me
it’s the masks

WHAT?

they’re weirding everybody out

SIR people are TRYING to be SAFE
what’s a mask have to do with
George Floyd’s murder?

if the KKK can’t wear masks
blacks shouldn’t either
change the constitution

WHAT THE FUCK PLANET ARE YOU ON?!

no more masks
I don’t even want to send them to hospitals
they’re all mine
and my wicked son-in-law’s

sir they HELP to STOP the VIRUS SPREAD
and keep frontline workers ALIVE

the virus will go away
when the sun dries it up
and the rain washes it
down the sewer
with Pelosi and the Dems

ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?
THE POLICE KILLED A MAN
AND PEOPLE WANT JUSTICE
OUR COUNTRY IS READY YO EXPLODE

how bout we say
sorry for your loss
and send flowers

A MAJOR US CITY IS BURNING SIR
THE WHOLE COUNTRY IS PISSED OFF
PEOPLE ARE DYING
AND WANT ANSWERS
AND CHANGE
NOW
and it’s NOT BECAUSE OF
people wearing MASKS

whoa that’s a lot of information
so maybe
we twist it all in knots
put it on a nice plate
serve it with a silver spoon
and make em choke it down
get that blonde to do it
who can twist a pretzel
just by looking at it
she’ll do anything for Rump
then send hats
lots of hats
VOTE RUMP
what have they got to lose

EVERYFUCKINGTHING
WE ALL DO

maybe roll up some MAGA t’s
red ones white ones blue ones
smile and toss em at the crowd
they loved it in Puerto Rico

yeah sir that was paper towels
and nobody loved it in Puerto Rico
and I’m not going to do that

and make sure our great police heroes
are very well taken care of

sir this is REALLY SERIOUS SHIT
YOU’VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING

how bout a rally in Minnesota
that’ll make my fans happy
not in the burned out area though

that’s A VERY BAD IDEA right now sir
and no one cares about your groupies
but you

at a nice country club maybe
sparkling lake in the background
a lot of really white people
some token brown, yellow and red
like sprinkles on white cupcakes
everybody loves sprinkles
and hire those Blacks for Rump guys again
they’re a riot

sir that’s RIDICULOUS
and NOT gonna HAPPEN

cotton candy and a ferris wheel
and they’ll forget all about the
GEORGE FLOYD deal

don’t think so sir
THE COPS MURDERED HIM
the latest in a long history

and lets do another executive order
ban masks from earth
is that a treaty we can break?

I AM DONE

are you a mask wearing sissy boy too?

YOU ARE A BIG ORANGE BUFOON

I know you are
but what am I?

we’ve got HUGE problems in this country
people DYING by police and virus
and YOU START A CIVIL WAR
OVER MASKS?
which actually
keep people safer
if you wore a mask
you’d look
smarter and more caring
than you really are

whatever
and get those two FUCKOPOTAMUSES in here
NOW

your sons are in Siberia sir
hunting goats tied to trees

no not those FUCKOPOTAMUSES
the other two
AG and State
we’ve got to sue and bomb
our way out of this shit
keep ‘em busy
sue and bomb
bomb and sue
make heads spin

YOU ARE FUCKING INSANE
I FUCKING QUIT

I saw Kim K
has a new line of masks
like ladies underwear
for your face
I might try one of those
at night
alone
not made for eating Cheetos though
maybe they’re scented
KK smells like sex
I might wear one
just for a sniff
not in public though
can’t let the lame stream losers see me
they probably started
all the fires in Indianapolis anyway
to take me down
Obama and Crooked H
probably made that I can’t breathe video
jealous of Rump
always lying about Rump
he’s dishonest and stupid they say
obese and ugly they say
all lies to make Rump look bad
very jealous people
really shameful
they’re rigging the 2020 election you know
and now this GEORGE FLOYD hoax
maybe they aren’t real people at all
maybe they were never even born
people are saying that
who knows
it’s worth looking into
they only want to take Rump down
I say lock em all up
and their families
and everybody they know
in different places
anybody who doesn’t vote Rump
MAGA OR DIE!
GET ME COKE

it’s MINNEAPOLIS sir MINNESOTA
and YOU ARE A DESPICABLE HUMAN BEING
I’M GETTIN’ OFF THIS FUCKING CIRCUS RIDE

get me Coke first okay?

NO

is your mother alive?

WHAT? YES!

your father?

NO HE DIED WHEN I WAS TWELVE!

I heard you killed him

WHAT!!!

some people say that
high quality people
not me
I wouldn’t say that
but it does sound fishy
people wonder

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

just saying
I hear it’s being looked at very closely
maybe it was an accident
but who knows
it’s curious very curious
they investigate
maybe they don’t find anything
but who knows

WHAT?!!! I KNOW
YOU SOULLESS MORAN!
MY FATHER DIED IN THE WAR!
HE WAS A WAR HERO!

is that what they told you?
maybe he was
maybe not
sounds a little fishy is all
no use getting upset
but people have questions

YOU FAKE BONE SPURS PIECE OF SHIT

whoa
kinda sensitive aren’t you
you’re fired

I ALREADY QUIT!!!

yeah yeah
I heard that before
OUT
and take that MASK with you
COKE
SOMEBODY
NOW
PRESIDENT SPANKY RUMP
WANTS COKE
HEY JEVANKA
WILLY WONKA
SOMEBODY
GET ME COKE

— Anomynous Lee

Spanky’s Mirror
gold plated mirror
on the wall
I’m suing you
you ruined it all
you told me once
that I was great
being so damn handsome
sealed my fate
the minions all
would call me king
rich and famous
do anything
you called me winner
when I’d lose
you said the world
was mine to use
now when I look
into your eyes
you don’t believe
my lies lies lies
you act like
I’m no longer there
you’re scaring me
look at my hair
where did all
my people run
they now ignore
the golden one
my real good brain
and bigly talk
my sharpie pen
now writes like chalk
oh mirror of mine
what will I do
if I don’t win
I know I’m through
but you will never see a tear
and I will never show my fear
I’ll plunder everything I can
I’m still an evil genius man
I’ll make democracy my foil
Obama’s legacy will boil
you laugh at me
like I’m a clown
I’ll take the constitution down
and when I sit alone at night
in four cold walls
I know I’m right
gold plated mirror
you failed the king
you turned on me
you had to sing
the truth in you
I so despise
I look at you
with blinded eyes
but in the end
I still can’t see
the reason why
no one likes me

— Anomynous Lee

Spanky Rump's Carnival Ride
Posted on

Rump’s Rhymer
President Spanky Rump
was greeting guests
at his White Christmas party

hey I know you
let me guess
I never forget a face
I have a very strong memory
probably stronger
than anyone in history
mmmmmm
Robert right
or Sam
ahright I give up
you’re a hard one
tell me

my name is Lee sir
I worked at your club
through college

yeah yeah yeah
that’s what I was going to say
Lee
PR guy right

no sir
I was one of the guys
in the bushes
on the golf course
that made sure your balls
ended up in the fairway

shhh whoa whoa
my balls
were always in the fairway

of course sir
every time
even when you hit
into water or tall grass
or behind a tree
or out of bounds

hey I like you
no bullshit
a real problem solver
loyal too
you’re a good one
and you signed an NDA

yes sir
I tell everyone
President Rump golfs
like nobody else

very nice
you are a genius
I can tell
only the best at Rump parties
geniuses everywhere
very loyal to Rump
I’ll remember you
always a place for loyalty
in Spanky Rump’s gang
I can always use more lawyers
are you an Ivy League

no sir
I’m a poet

a poet huh
wizard of words
we’ll get along fine
I have the best words
a lot of ‘em
stored in my good brain
roses are red
hey how about
you be Rump’s poet laureate

uhhhhh
writing Rump poems
that sounds interesting
uhhhhh

ooh there’s the first lady
Princess come
meet an old friend

hi daddy
who’s this

he used to work for me
incredible guy
very high quality individual
really terrific poet
one of the very best ever
is what I hear
from the beginning of words
better than Shakespeare and Seuss
right up there with Shel Silverstern
many people say that
I guess we’ll find out
he wants to be Rump’s poet
make Rump look good
this guy’s no fake
that I can tell you
Lee meet the first lady

nice to meet you Princess

I’m pleasured to meet you Lee
what project did you do with daddy

Rump jumped in
can’t talk about that baby
highly deeply security work
incognito
undercover
covert operations
top secret
works the shadows
as we like to say
Lee might not even be his real name
we like to keep him abomynous
er adonymous no omonymous
shit

oh daddy
you mean anomynous

yeah that’s it baby
anomynous
omviously the first lady
is both smart and sexy
if she wasn’t my daugh
ah never mind
anomynous anomynous
I like it
we’ll call you Anomynous Lee
run along now honey and mingle
Anomynous Lee and I
have some business

well goodbye
Mr Anomynous Lee
write the truth now
wink wink

uhh sure thing Princess

so Mr Anomynous Lee
Rump knows talent
you wanna be a very wealthy poet
and famous too
then you can do anything
get the drift
what do you think
you wiz the words
a little abracadabra
make Rump look good
you look good
that sounds nice right
Rump’s Rhymer
the billionaire poet they’ll say
Rump’s full of the best ideas
ask me

aaask you what

you need ideas
for your first great Rump poem
ask me something
anything

well sir
I’ve always wondered
if you’re such a ladies man
why pay a porn star

ohhh right to the sweet spot
I like that
you’re tough
just like Stormy
straight to that sweet spot
no messing around
it was all very innocent really
one time or so
couple minutes
she wanted to see my pad
so she came
I bent
my whities creeped out
she said I was naughty
she spanked
I came
I paid her ten large
then she went
that’s it
like a drive by
simple as that

sir she mentioned in an interview
playing peekaboo
with a little nubby mushroom thingy
like Mario
what’s that about

it’s a lie
fake news
look at my bigly hands
nothing to do with Rump
that I can tell you
everybody knows it
Burt Lancaster or Goliath thingy
but no little Mario mushroom thingy
Burt or Goliath yes
nubby Mario thingy no
Rump gets no complaints
in that department
perfect gentleman
everybody says that
no complaints on Rump

actually sir
there were many dozens of complaints

oookaaayyy
who you gonna trust
Rump
or cheap whores looking for a payday
did you see those nasty women
all liars
never laid eyes on any of ‘em
did you see what they looked like
not Rump’s type
that I can tell you
all fake
faker than fake
nasty nasty women
Hillary hired ‘em to take Rump down
Rump will sue
Rump will win
okay

okay sir
good talk
I better go find the lady
I came in with

is she hot
cause if she’s hot
I would’ve seen her
and possibly groped her
I’m famous you know

yeah I heard that

what’s she look like
I can spot em
I always say it
Rump can spot ‘em
if they got a bottom

well sir
she just took my arm
at the door
and walked in with me
a Chinese lady
with a black briefcase
a little nervous
didn’t speak English

ah Rump loves exotics
that I will tell you
ask Jeff and Vlad
hey I might’ve seen
a tight Chinese ass
duck into that dark doorway
better find her before I do
or before she steals all our secrets
hahahahaha Rump laughed
thinking that was funny

yes sir
I’ll go spy on the spy

hahahahaha
Rump laughed again
clever guy
bigly words
I like that
you’ll do well Mr Anomynous Lee
keep in touch with Rump
write historic Rump poems
make Rump look good

got it sir
a good looking Rump

oh you are a smart one
I see what ya did there
we’ll get along fine
hey look who just walked in
couple of sweethearts
Joey Bare Ankles and the Mayor
JOEYYY RUDYYY

isn’t it Joey No Socks sir

yeah whatever
well go wiz some words
make Rump look pretty
and keep ‘em in the fairway kid
gotta go talk mob with my gang
HEY JOEY
JOEYYYYY BABYYYYY
SHOW ME SOME BARE ANKLE JOEYYYYY

and so
Anomynous Lee
slipped anonymously
into the shadows
of the crowd of geniuses
as easily as the Chinese lady

— Anomynous Lee