Two Thirds Gone

Two Thirds Gone
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King Of Scraps
Norma do you remember
when my appointments are

what appointments Harlan

I wrote em’ down
on a little scrap of paper

ah that explains it
don’t know about any appointments Harlan

oh I’m pretty sure I told you

mmm no Norma said

pretty sure I did
but I don’t suppose you’ve seen
that little scrap of paper anywhere
have ya Norma

are you serious Harlan
you’re the king of scraps
why didn’t you write them on the calendar

that was my plan
guess I got distracted

that I believe
so where were you

I think maybe possibly either
up in the office
or down in the studio

did you look both places Harlan

yeah a bunch of times

then I don’t know what to tell ya Norma said

so I was just wondering
you didn’t happen to move it anywhere
did ya Norma

what

well you know sometimes
how you move stuff around
just tidying up
I’m not blaming

no Harlan
I didn’t move it
haven’t seen it

hmmm
that’s what you said about the Amex card too
but somehow it disappeared
maybe got tossed in the trash

good thing I’m in a good mood Harlan
maybe YOU tossed it in the trash

oh I remember clearly
leaving it on the counter for you
in plain sight

but I didn’t see it
which makes you
the last one to see it Harlan

yeah but you do tidy up a lot

only because you drive me crazy
and I don’t drink

ha ha so you’re telling me
you didn’t see that little scrap of paper
anywhere
while you were tidying up

not that I recall old man
but just for kicks
I’ll help look for it

you rock Norma
pretty sure I was in the office

okay to the studio then Norma said

but I said the office

ya that’s why we’re going to the studio Sherlock

oh reverse psychology Harlan said
sometimes I think you’re my mom

and sometimes I think
you’re my child said Norma
okay we are in the studio
what were you doing
when you made the calls

I might have been
sitting in that chair
or maybe up at the counter

not at this desk Norma asked
it’s a mess with papers

nah I wasn’t over there

what’d you tear it off of Harlan

like a napkin or envelope
maybe a receipt or paper plate

paper plate huh Norma laughed
well can you remember what color

I think blue or pink or maybe white

hmmm not yellow Norma asked

no it wasn’t yellow for sure
blue or maybe pink said Harlan

that’s too bad Norma said
cuz this yellow post it note says
eyes and teeth
with dates and times

NORMA where did you find it

here ya go Harlan
I’ll post it to your forehead
and you are welcome once again

Norma wait
where was it

not now Harlan
I’ve got some tidying up to do

ah Norma you know I was kidding

bye bye Harlan

thanks Norma
I love you

ah that’s sweet dear
maybe you could write that down
on a little scrap of paper somewhere
and hopefully I’ll find it
before I toss it in the trash

love ya Norma

bye Harlan

—Harlan

Two Thirds Gone
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You Ain’t No Bukowski

so Norma
did you read my poem

I did

so I don’t like to ask but
what’d ya think Harlan asked

I like it Norma said

yeah it just puked right out

that’s great Harlan

I got in the shower
and there it was

singing in the rain again Norma teased

just got a line in my head Harlan said

uh huh Norma nodded

got a line and couldn’t stop

in the moment right Norma said

like spontaneous combustion
it’s exiting when it happens like that said Harlan

I bet it is

five minutes it was finito he said

yeah

so you liked it Harlan asked again

I said I did Norma said

but was it too Bukowski

what

I mean it was pretty raw he said

were your feelings raw Harlan

yeah it poured right outta me

then it’s perfect Norma said

but not too Bukowski Harlan probed again

are you Bukowski Norma asked

no but

trying to be Bukowski she asked

no

were they your own feelings Harlan

well yeah

your own words

yeah

so it’s yours Harlan
own it it’s great Norma said

I still question myself too much Harlan lamented

maybe you should tell that good boy inside
to take a frickin’ hike Norma said

you’re right Norma

okay

okay I OWN it
it’s MINE Harlan said

there you go
you’re Harlan the Poet

thanks for that slap in the balls Norma

any time dear

I HARLAN
OWN MY FEELINGS AND MY WORDS
IT’S MY POEM

now you got it Norma said
and besides
you know I love ya Harlan
but you ain’t no Bukowski

— Harlan

Two Thirds Gone
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Slippers
I think I’ll buy a pair of slippers
Norma said browsing her laptop

Harlan had his back to her
chopping veggies for a pizza
he stopped
flippers he asked

my old ones are really old Norma said

you have old ones Harlan asked

ooh I like these Norma said

why do you want flippers Norma

just to wear around the house

scuba in the bathtub Harlan joked

what
scooping the bathtub
whatever Norma said
no to keep my toes toasty

post toasties Harlan said

that’s old time cornflakes isn’t it Norma said
what are you even talking about Harlan

isn’t that what you said he asked

I said I want to keep my toes toasty
you never listen Harlan
always up in your head somewhere

I thought it was odd
that you wanted new flippers he said

what a girl can’t have new slippers now

wait a minute Harlan said
getting close to Norma’s face
FUH LIP PERS he mouthed
looking into her eyes

Norma stared at him
FUH LIP PERS FUH LIP PERS she repeated
what the hell are FUH LIP PERS

didn’t you say flippers Harlan asked

earth to Harlan
I said SUH LIP PERS
SUH LIP PERS as in SLIPPERS
that you put on your feet
to keep your toes toasty

slippers nah Harlan said
I’m pretty sure you said flippers

why would I want FUH LIP PERS Norma asked

because your old ones are really old
that’s what you said

oh my god Harlan
SLIPPERS SLIPPERS
you’re deafer and dumber than I am

well I’ll get the flippers and post toasties
for your birthday then
Harlan said only half joking

awesome Norma said
we are now officially
your mom and dad

I can live with that Harlan said
and they cracked up

— Harlan

Two Thirds Gone
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Have A Better Day
so did you get what you needed Norma asked
as Harlan walked into the kitchen

I walked out with this Harlan said
holding up a big bottle of glue

you think that’ll work Norma asked

NO I mean I walked OUT WITH THIS Harlan said
all the way OUT of the store
into the parking lot
to the car

okayyyyy Norma said
looking at him sideways

all the way to the car he said
past the cashiers
right out the door
without paying for the glue

say WHAT Harlan
Norma’s eyes widened

yeah I was in the middle of the parking lot
with a bottle of glue in my hand
in plain sight
that I didn’t pay for
I was freaking out

HARLAN you SHOPLIFTED GLUE
are you KIDDING me Norma said

no Harlan said
it wasn’t shoplifting exactly
I wasn’t trying to hide it

so you think it’s okay
as long as you’re not hiding it
that’s brazen and crazy old man
and criminal
what are you THINKING scolded Norma

wait Norma no
I didn’t mean to do it
I was up in my head
thinking about the project
and I just innocently
walked out the door with the glue

oh Harlan Norma said
isn’t that every shoplifter’s excuse
oh silly me I was up in my head

I know Harlan said but it’s true
I was about to get in the car
when I realized I didn’t have a receipt
because I didn’t pay

and nobody said anything Norma asked
or chased you down
no sirens or flashing lights

I looked around
I was all alone in the parking lot
with stolen merchandise

the store must have cameras Norma said

I suppose they do
but I did a quick one eighty
and walked back into the store
with the glue in my hand
in plain sight
past the cashiers again
and got in line to pay

really Norma said
and still nobody said anything

I can’t believe it either Harlan said
I felt like a criminal

you were a criminal Harlan

the cashier was a platinum haired kid
with pierced nose and lip Harlan said
and I Don’t Care tattooed
across his neck

so Norma said

so I set the glue on the counter
looked him in the eyes
and they were empty said Harlan

what did you say asked Norma

I said hey man
I just walked right out of this place
to my car with this glue
and the kid was in a daze
so I mouthed without paying

but he just kind of shrugged
rang up the glue
I handed him money
he gave me change and receipt
and with empty eyes locked on mine
he said in monotone
have a better day

have a better day Norma asked
that’s it

that’s it Harlan said
it creeped me out
have a better day
I don’t even know what that means
have a better day
it’s already evening
and I just stole glue
was it zombie comedy
it felt ominous
but I walked out a free man

oh my god Harlan

I know I know Harlan said
I can’t believe it either
I was up in my head

you and your head Harlan
Norma said shaking hers

but there was a moment
in the parking lot Harlan said
when I realized nobody was after me
and I thought
wow this is what it feels like

what what feels like Norma asked

what it feels like to get away with something
it was weird and cool at the same time

so you think not getting
tackled and shackled
in a parking lot
is somehow weird and cool
WOWA Harlan who are you

no it just felt edgy for a second
I was really terrified and embarrassed
even with the receipt in hand
but relieved that I got away with it

relieved that you got away with WHAT Norma asked

that I got away with paying
before anybody knew I didn’t pay
I was lucky Harlan said
it could have been awkward

I can see the headlines Norma said
CRAZY OLD MAN NABBED WITH STOLEN GLUE
WHILE SHUFFLING TO GETAWAY CAR
POSSIBLE GERIATRIC SNIFFING RING LINK

yeah that would not be cool Harlan said

and what do you tell the grand kids said Norma
kiddos don’t ever steal glue like crazy grandpa

yeah it’d be tough to explain
but it was an innocent mistake said Harlan

innocent but guilty said Norma
he was a good and honest grandpa
until that misty eve in September
then she pointed at him
and said BAD GRANDPA
is this how it’s going to be

have your fun Harlan said
I just hope it’s not a sign of things to come

you mean shoplifting Norma asked
most old geezers take up chess or tai chi

ha ha
no I mean getting old and forgetful he said
although most of what I forget
wouldn’t land me in jail

oh I think you’re mostly okay Harlan
it was a simple mistake
and you did the right thing
let it go

I feel stupid Harlan said
maybe you shouldn’t let me go out by myself

well sometimes you do do stupid stuff Norma said
but it’s over and you fixed it
so do you think that glue will work she asked

I hope so Harlan said
because I’m not taking it back

and now the project
has a story to go with it
gives it character Norma said
you can sign the piece
NOTORIOUS GLUE THIEF GRANDPA

I’ll never hear the end of it will I Harlan said

not until I forget about it Norma smiled
but for now
let’s have a better day

the day is over Harlan said

there’s still time smiled Norma

— Harlan

Two Thirds Gone
Posted on

As Normal As Normal Is
I’m not a hater
but I hate shopping Harlan said
I feel like we’re cattle or ants

almost done Norma said
a couple more things

sometimes it just hits me
this insanity said Harlan
people scurrying everywhere
most oblivious to the rest
makes me anxious

whirling orbs of energy Norma said
all on their own path

well I like whirling in open space
I don’t like the chaos Harlan said

it’s the rhythm of the earth now
everything’s speeding up said Norma

can’t keep up anymore Harlan said
we’re already two thirds gone
and slowing down
I need space

I hear you said Norma
but we get bound up in life
it’s hard to escape

how do we stay balanced Harlan said
with broken souls spinning everywhere
banging into everything
we can’t get out of the way
bangs us up too

everybody’s broken Harlan Norma said
crazy thing is I think you and I
are as normal as normal is

wow
now that’s a crazy thought said Harlan
maybe we’re not as limited as some
at least we make an effort

true that Norma said
we navigate it all pretty well
for old crazy normal people

we are odd though said Harlan
odd and normal
it could be worse

well odd or not
our lives forced us to look deeper
it makes a difference Norma said
a lot of people can’t do that

too much apathy and ignorance
willful or not self absorbed
thinking they’re in control Harlan said

but none of them really are said Norma

they see us as old nut jobs Harlan laughed
that quiet little odd couple
with all the balanced stones in their yard
and flowers all over the place

gotta let them think it Harlan
can’t fix it
and why should we care Norma said

I don’t care Harlan said
it’s just people being people
I’m just ready to whirl away
to a wizardless Oz

we’re pretty lucky overall said Norma

I know
but I could still use more space
I wanna be invisible Harlan said

well this is our space at the moment dear
and I think we’re already invisible
but unless you want to shop some more
let’s go check out said Norma

fresh air Harlan said
let’s get outta here

— Harlan

Two Thirds Gone
Posted on

Norma
I’ve been lucky
Norma’s a good woman
ninety nine percent smooth sailing
for the most part
we had to talk things out
a few times
but nothing we didn’t laugh off
sooner than later
she’s an honest and kind soul
and I don’t know what I’d do without her
we’ve talked about it a few times
she said Harlan
I’m going first
because I don’t think I could take it
if you were gone
I said that’s funny
because I feel the same way
I want to go first
oh no she says me first
no me I say
there is no winning
I told her if she goes first
I might not be far behind
it happens that way sometimes
I don’t know what I’d feel
but I know I’ve been lucky
and if Norma goes
my luck goes with her
she says the same about me
I really got lucky with Norma

—Harlan

Some Say It’s Poetry
I get thoughts
and feelings
like most people do
I put ‘em down in words
and how it comes out
some say it’s poetry
that’s all I know

—Harlan