Bag Of Dicks
so this guy
says to this other guy
you’re a whole bag of dicks
a whole bag of dicks he said
not half a whole bag of dicks
it snuck up on me
my twelve year old brain
became stimulated
an erection of the mind
where was I the day they taught us about
dicks in a bag
I had enough trouble
worrying about one small penis
but multiple dicks
whole bags full of dicks
wow the pictures in my head
I had questions
it’s a lot to consider
like how many dicks
are in a whole bag anyway
how big is the bag
is it paper or plastic
or canvas
and how big are the dicks
are they foot longs
or random sizes
colors styles
who does quality control
the dick testing and sorting
soft and supple
like Italian leather
hard and fast
like a Chinese jackhammer
durable and hardworking
like an midwest farm boy
and do they come
with or without balls
how are they harvested
by a dick picker
what exactly is the process
from body to bag
where do you even
get a bag of dicks
where do you get the dicks
to put in the bag
in a dark alley
Victoria’s Secret
or Dick’s
are dicks sporting goods
what’s the average dick size
what’s an average dick weigh
do they come by the pound
or by the stick
I mean you gotta know some of this stuff
are they fresh dicks
or day old
do you have to keep ‘em
in the fridge
do you suppose they sandblast
and powder coat prize dicks
in different colors
or maybe just stroke ‘em with beeswax
objects du art on a mantle
are there dick connoisseurs
dick collectors
dick experts
I’m gonna guess
a plastic grocery bag
full of big dicks
no balls
you get maybe a dozen dicks
like ears of sweet corn
the ugly heads popping out
toss in an extra dick
for a baker’s dozen
same size bag
gets you two eggplant size
or six large cucumbers
or maybe three dozen pickles
how many can you stuff in a duffel bag
can you mix dicks
say six large three small
are they individually wrapped
or freestyle
and the big question
why does anybody need
a whole bag of dicks
it’s embarrassing
to be so dick ignorant
but I’m trying to learn
any similar products out there
why not I guess
boxes of balls
pouches of nipples
buckets of boobs
big jars with lids
full of those furry snapdragon things
my friend warned me about
I mean what else don’t I know
my dad never had this conversation with me
crap I’ll never be able sleep tonight
— C Driver